Don't let the bastards get you down...

It's 2h30 am and I can't sleep! I guess I just have too much on my mind right now... Life's been pretty tough on me for the past few months... I thought everything would come back to normal once I'd get back to school but it didn't. I feel empty. Like somebody stabbed me in the heart and it bled until there was nothing left... I don't enjoy anything really I'm putting on a show for everybody else you know... so that I don't seem so out of it... I'm trying to understand what's going on with me...why I'm like that... frozen... all I feel is pain and anxiety... I'm just over it ready to take the next step and enjoy life again... I want to be me, whoever this person is... I just turned 21 recently and I thought that by now I would have found my identity but I didn't... I feel like I'm just watching time pass me by...and it has to stop. I don't want to throw away my life like that. I don't want to make the same mistakes again either. I don't want to have regrets. I am now making a decision, I'm getting back on my feet. No more sleeping until 12h00, no more watching tv and crying, no more laziness. No more thinking about this guy that hurt me... so not even worth it... no more putting myself down... no more telling myself I'm ugly... no more living my life through other people. The only person that I can truly rely on in life is myself and I need to trust this person because if I don't nobody else will. I need to open myself and let everybody know how pure my heart is and how much I care for and about other people... how much I want to help everybody. Even if it means I am more vulnerable... even if I get rejected... I shouldn't base my self-confidence on what other peope think about me but on what I think about myself and how I feel about myself... I shouldn't and I won't anymore... it's over for good... so tomorrow morning when my alarm clock will ring at 8h30 I'll get up, make myself some breakfast, do my homework, do my yoga, go to school and I will be smiling from the inside (and the outside too!) because I am a good and a beautiful person and I need to let everybody I love know that... :)